Freedom to Fail (1st post)
You know, this topic feels pretty fitting for me to start my entry into the world of “publishing” on the internet. Because to be totally honest, it scares the mess out of me to write something and let it go.
I mean, I’ve been thinking & talking about this for a whole 13 years.
Cultivating stories & themes based on lessons I wanna teach & more importantly lessons I want to remember for myself.
Put together multi-layered outlines & topics that would expand on words & stories in a way that can do it justice.
Found “internet homes”, and other blogs that my writing could live on as a partnership site.
Started writing books & done interviews for “books I was writing” and yet not completed the project.
My phone is full of screenshots from ideas to write about, pictures that prompt me.
Back in 2009, I dropped out of college for a semester & moved to Hawaii to work with a surfing ministry called Surfing The Nations. That’s a series of writings in & of itself really as… I learned to surf there, I realized I loved reading & writing there, I started attempting to follow Jesus there, I first water-fasted there, I brought back a dog from there (yes it came on the plan with me), and most importantly… it was there that I became incredibly uncomfortable living a life that was less than what I was capable of. So I started my blog there, but I never hit publish. Life kept happening and I pushed it off until “next month”.
Now fast forward 13 years… if I was to crash & die on this plane I’m flying in right now… how many of the stories I gathered & lived… would ever encourage, bless, inspire, or prompt others to actually live? How many of my stories & experiences (that lived in my head or as a headline on a notepad) would ever do one bit of good in the world?
I know exactly how many would do a bit of good… None.
Because I’ve never hit that “publish” button on anything except social media - which is far different than the long-form writing I had desired to do.
And as I sit here again so many years later, prepared to actually hit publish this time, the words of a well-known author ring truer than ever:
“I didn’t know what I thought until I wrote it“
-Flannery O’Conner
So as I sit here and think about reasons why I haven’t - it’s pretty easy to see, and yet even harder to admit. I’ve been a big scaredy. Pretty simple, yet still so hard to swallow.
I’ve been hesitant to fail. Fearful that I wouldn’t attain my idealized version of “success”. But really it’s arbitrary - who defines success?
I’ve been a talker. Sometimes I’ve talked a story so many times, that I’ve used that as an excuses not to write it.
I’ve been too occupied with the opinions of others. Which is literally crazy & I despise it. However, I’m still captive to it way too often.
I’ve been addictive to the approval of others. Addicted to “not looking silly”, or not “being too much”.
I’ve been insecure about my writing. Can I be captivating? Can I not use too many words? Is my grammar worth a toot? What if I write about something inspirational or convicting & then a week later I’m a hypocrite with my own life & actions?
Well I’ve learned over the last 10 years though… that I’m not alone. I’ve learned so many people struggle with such similar thoughts and yet… many of us think we’re alone in our struggles. It’s a crazy concept. Don’t agree? Step into a room of recovering addicts & you’ll receive a real quick gift that we all need - the ability to be honest with ourselves.
About 5-6 months ago, I told myself “ What if you gave yourself the freedom to FAIL?”
Would you be willing to put yourself out there more?
Would you be willing to risk more vulnerability?
Could you actually finish the damn book about Grandpa Melvin?
Would you feel more proud of yourself?
Would you inspire courage into someone else?
So I told myself & shared with a few others “It’s time to be a little easier on myself. It’s time to give myself the freedom to fail”.
As I take the step into the unknown here, I want to encourage others to think through the same concept.
If you would give yourself the freedom to fail, what would you change about your life? What might you try to accomplish?
What conversations would you have that you’ve been thinking about for months? What would you write about? What workout plan would you try, or race would you sign up for? What girl/guy would you pursue? What new hobby would you give yourself to? What risky (or semi-risky) move would you take?
Because Memento Mori… “Remember you’re going to die”. And the only ones out there who never get ridiculed or picked apart… are the ones who do nothing. So my commitment is: 1 blog a week for the rest of 2022. That’s simply 7 writings, and then I’ll reassess from there.
How about you join me? Give yourself the freedom to fail at something new, for the rest of 2022, and let’s see what happens together.